The Power of the Pause

My son told me a joke this week … What is the difference between a cat and a comma? When I couldn’t come up with an adequate answer, he proceeded to inform me, “One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.” I’m a grammar nerd, so that one had me laughing out loud for sure – probably more than is warranted!

More than being a grammar nerd, though, it made me laugh so hard because it spoke to an area in which I had seen multiple struggles throughout the week – the area of pausing.

I teach eighth grade for our homeschool co-op and have an extremely lively group of kids this year. They have struggled at various times to manage their frequent verbalizations, and our most recent day in class together necessitated a stronger conversation.

I’ll be honest … normally their liveliness keeps me on my toes but is manageable, but this particular day I was almost in tears because they wouldn’t stop talking! They are a well-behaved group for the most part, but this was an especially exciting week for several of them, and the words just kept flowing. Aside from the general rudeness of speaking over each other (and me), it was also nearly impossible to accomplish the necessary tasks.

Finally, I asked them to stop speaking altogether for a moment and had a talk with them about what was happening. Almost immediately, I was interrupted. I paused and ask the student to try to explain why he chose that moment to speak out loud. He didn’t know. I went back to talking. Within just a few sentences, it happened again with another student. This student, with a confident air of sarcasm, answered my “why” questions with a rather long and thorough explanation of how the brain receives sound waves. I listened, waited for him to finish, and then asked what was happening in his brain aside from the autonomic function of receiving sound waves. No answer.

I waited, and the silence in the room stretched on. It was exactly the opportunity I needed to explain to these students the power of the pause.

I understand, truly I do, because I too often listen with an anticipation of what I get to say next rather than to sincerely hear what the other person is saying. But somehow, between the brain receiving information and autonomically processing it and the next instant where my mouth opens and sound comes out, I need to insert a pause.

I need to stop and think about what I am going to say.

I need to ask:

• What did I just hear?
• Is a response required?
• Is my intended response kind and appropriate?
• Is now the best time to give my response?

When I have solid answers to those questions, then – and only then – it is the appropriate time to speak.

Pausing allows several things to happen. It ensures I am not interrupting another person. It gives me time to verify that what I am saying is appropriate (both in content and in context). And it allows me time to confirm that this really is the best time to say what I want to say.

What does the Bible have to say about this topic?

James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”

We are told in Proverbs 17:27 that “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”

Proverbs 29:20 says that there is more hope for a fool than for the person who “is hasty in his words.”

Additionally, Ephesians 4:29 emphasizes the need to consider our words carefully when we are admonished to only speak those things that are “good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

So as you engage in conversation, remind yourself to pause and consider before replying.

Taking a moment to pause and think before we speak is not the only time that pausing is helpful! In future posts, I will discuss other areas where I am learning about the power of the pause.

Do you struggle with putting a pause in your conversations? What suggestions have you found helpful for remembering to be quick to hear and slow to speak?