The Power of Purposeful Words – Part 1

Last week I spoke about the power of silence; you can read that here.  Over the next few Wednesdays for Wives, I want to talk about the power of words and the different ways that we can and should use our words.

Specifically, today I want to discuss words that are appropriate in the midst of conflict and contention.  Unfortunately, because of sin, these are a part of every human relationship. Sometimes they are a result of simple misunderstandings; other times they are a consequence of sin.

If you are like me, the most likely place for contention is in your marriage.  At the end of a long day, especially days where circumstances outside of our marriage have created internal pressure, it is easy to act and react in a manner that creates conflict.  For example, if my husband has had a difficult day at work and I have had an exhausting day at home dealing with the kids and other responsibilities, when our paths intersect again at the end of the day we are more likely to experience conflict than when we both had productive days that went smoothly!

Our key thought for today for handling those moments where contention and pressure can easily turn into conflict comes from Proverbs 15:1.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 

It sounds great, right? But what does a “soft answer” look like when you are in the middle of a challenging conversation? Here are some practical tips:

• A soft answer is not harsh or unkind. Moderate the tone of your voice; maybe it is not the words you are saying but the way in which you are saying them that is adding to the contention.  External pressure increases the risk for talking in a manner that adds to frustration; practice speaking calmly. 
• A soft answer does not return like-for-like. When you feel attacked by the other person, do not respond by making counter accusations.  Instead, consider if the claim has any merit.  If so, be willing to repent in humility.  If not, be willing to just listen.  Rather than being quick to justify, wait until a later moment to readdress and discover if the issue that was raised is a legitimate concern to the other person. 
• A soft answer waits for the appropriate opportunity to speak. Right words said at the wrong time are still wrong words. 
• A soft answer listens to what the other person is saying. Instead of listening to respond, listen to understand.  You will be amazed at the power of simply stating, “I understand what you are saying” and continuing to listen. 

 What suggestions would you offer for how to appropriately use soft words? Do you have specific phrases you use to help in difficult situations?