Family Discipleship – Part 1: The Necessity and Importance of Discipling your Children

Note: The following includes excerpts from a paper I wrote for a Discipleship class in my EdD program at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. As a result, the tone may be less “sitting at the kitchen table chatting” than many of my posts, but I hope you will find what is written here both challenging and encouraging nonetheless.

There are two primary mandates in Scripture which lay an indisputable groundwork for the absolute necessity of family discipleship.  First, all believers are commanded to make disciples.  Second, parents are specifically challenged to faithfully and consistently teach their children the tenants of God’s Word.  

Jesus himself, following his resurrection and just prior to his ascension into heaven to be with his Father, issued the command to “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations … teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you” (Matthew 29:19-20).  While speaking specifically to the eleven faithful followers who had been with him for the previous three years, Jesus was also issuing this command to all believers who would come after.  Though one might try to argue that the instruction was intended to be related to salvation, Jesus’ guidance to teach obedience indicates that the directive only started with evangelism and was intended to include the sanctification process (in other words, discipleship) as well.  

The most predominant and well-known instruction to parents on teaching their children the truths of God comes from Deuteronomy 6:4-9, which states: 

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and will all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” 

This quintessential command to parents clearly identifies the responsibility God places on parents to instruct their own children frequently and faithfully.  The verse is not intended to describe specific times or places so much as to indicate that parental discipleship is a continuously ongoing activity that happens at all times and in all places, during all activities. Thus, as Ogden (2003) astutely points out, “It should not surprise us that the goal of Christian parenting is identical to the role of discipling.  The primary discipleship unit is the Christian home.  The primary disciplers are parents” (p. 101). 

Challenges to Discipling Your Children 

Despite the clear commands of Scripture instructing fathers and mothers on the importance of discipling their children, parents sometimes identify challenges to accomplishing the objective.  Mark E. Smith (2011), in his dissertation on the topic of family discipleship, identifies the following challenges that parents sometimes express: not believing they have adequate influence in their child’s life, not having enough time, not knowing how, feeling inadequate or not properly trained to answer questions that may arise, and believing it is someone else’s job (i.e. a youth pastor, teacher, or other spiritual authority).  However, this researcher would assert that parents have the power to prevail over these potential pitfalls, though sacrifice may be required. Specifically, if a father does not believe he has enough time to disciple his children, he needs to reevaluate his priorities and find a way to give precedence to what he has been commanded by God to accomplish.  If a mother does not feel she has adequate opportunity to influence her child, she should endeavor to strengthen her relationship with that child.  Parents who think that they do not know how to disciple or have not been properly taught should seek mentors and training opportunities so they can grow in this area.  Ultimately, there is no excuse for believing the discipleship of your children is the job of someone else, as this is in clear violation of Scripture, and parents with this mentality need to adjust their thinking to align with God’s Word.  

How the Stages of Learning Apply to Discipling Your Children 

This researcher is a strong proponent of classical education, which relies heavily on the learning stages described by Aristotle as the “Trivium” (Latin for “three roads”), including grammar, dialectic, and rhetoric (Classical Conversations, 2023).  In the grammar phase, students learn and memorize information even if they do not understand the rationale behind the knowledge.  A dialectic student asks the “why” behind the information and seeks to understand the material that has been presented.  Students in the rhetoric stage can communicate the knowledge effectively as their own, both possessing the information and being able to share it with others.  

Parenting kids in a Christian home often follows a very similar style.  In the beginning, parents teach their children to obey simply for the sake of obedience (“because I said so”); this mirrors the grammar stage of the educational process. Later, as their sons and daughters reach a dialectic stage of learning, parents explain the reasoning and rationale behind the principles and commands with which they have instructed their children.  Ultimately, it is a Christian parent’s hope that their children will accept salvation for themselves, “own” their own faith, and be able to share it with others also.  This would be considered the rhetorical phase of the spiritual growth process. 

There are two types of parental discipleship, which will be discussed in greater depth in a future post.  One of those types is the ongoing, everyday discipleship that occurs at all times during the natural moments in life.  As a result, this kind of discipleship happens across all the stages of learning from the very youngest baby until a parent’s influence ends, which may not be until that parent has passed away. Thompson (2011) points out that “your call to family discipleship only ends when you die.” The second type of discipleship, however, falls largely within the dialectic phase of learning.  A child in the grammar stage will lack the understanding, while a student in the rhetoric phase is expected to be able to share with and disciple others. Therefore, the second type of parental discipleship is going to land in the period of time when children are asking why, when they are endeavoring to understand the reasons for belief in God, obedience, and personal spiritual growth.   

Ultimately, parents are commanded to be the primary conduit for their children’s spiritual instruction. A future post will focus on specific techniques to help parents develop the discipline of discipleship. What are your thoughts on family discipleship?