3 Ways to Change Your Husband – Biblical Strategies Guaranteed to Produce Results – Part 1

My husband and I have now been married for over 18 years.  In fact, by the end of next summer I will have been married longer than I was not married (just over 19 years)!  I do not remember going into marriage with the mindset that I would change my husband (perhaps I was still too lovestruck to realize there was anything about him that needed changing!), but over the years there have been many times where I found faults, failures, and shortcomings (or even personality quirks) that I wanted to change in him … and so I set about to do so! Sometimes I had the right motivation; other times the motivation was simply my own convenience.  Either way, I have learned over time that there is definitely a wrong way to go about it – which provides absolutely zero results – as well as a powerful, Scripture-based approach that always produces positive change. 

Over the next few Wednesdays I will be providing you with these three proven strategies.  They are not in order of importance or in the particular order to be implemented.  Ideally, all three are used simultaneously and consistently.  

Here is strategy #1 – Do What is Right No Matter What 

If you are confused as to how this strategy will help produce change in your husband, bear with me. I want to first discuss accountability for a moment. 

Imagine that you are on a diet and avoiding all sweets.  You are walking in the mall with a friend and come across a chocolatier (or edible cookie dough place if your weaknesses are more aligned with mine!).  If your friend is also dieting, together you are more likely to just look (or avoid the store altogether) without succumbing to the delectable temptation.  But if your friend is a chocoholic who pulls you into the store, buys one of her favorite desserts Just for you because I know you will LOVE it!!!!, and walks out with a huge package of treats, you are far more likely to give in and eat the chocolate no matter how determined you originally were to resist! 

What does that have to do with your marriage? Well, if your husband is committed to doing what is right, is actively loving you and God, and is encouraging you to righteousness, you are far more likely to consistently apply God’s Word and make wise choices also.  

But if your husband is not, it is much easier to fall back into old sin patterns no matter how determined you are to do what is right.  

This is fact.  It is easier to do what is right when those around you are also doing right.  But God does not excuse our conduct because of the behavior of another person.  We are held accountable on our own to the standard God has set forth.  

I do not tell you this about accountability to discourage you.  Rather, I want you to have an accurate picture of reality.  I want you to understand and know up front that doing what is right when your husband is falling short might seem impossible.  But God!  With God, all things are possible (Mark 10:27), and in His strength you can overcome the temptation to sin (Philippians 4:13, I Corinthians 10:13).  

And, most importantly, God gave us a specific passage about this exact situation.  I Peter 3:1-4 states, 

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

If your husband is not being obedient to God’s Word, God gave you a strategy … stop nagging and start doing! In a respectful manner, live consistent with the principles of Scripture and let your godly example do the talking.  

Lastly, remember that honoring your husband in the way God commands is not just for the sake of your husband; you are doing it as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18,23). 

I never promised easy, but sometimes it is the most difficult things we accomplish that bring the most fulfillment.  Obedience costs something, but the rewards are immeasurable.  

Finally, I want you to know that I am not writing to you from a place of perfection.  I know this is hard because I am in the same boat as you … and sometimes I honor God with my actions and reactions and sometimes I fall short.  Thankfully, we serve a God who is mighty in mercy and promises cleansing and forgiveness when we ask (I John 1:9). 

Growing with you as we seek to honor God, 

Stephani 

PS: Ready to keep going?  You can now find Part 2 here and Part 3 here!